All I Wanted
by Joshayley4ever
Summary: Paramore fanfic. Takes place a year after Hayley dies. Pairing; Josh Farro/Hayley Williams
1. Chapter 1

"_Tomorrow's the day, Hayley." I reminded her._

She tilted her her back and kissed me.

"Our one year anniversary." She said as she pulled back.

"Hayles I kind of brought you here so we could be alone and tell you something."

"Yeah?"

"I love you Hayley."

To my relief a smile spread across her face. "I love you, too."

The memory replayed my mind over and over.

That was the day before our anniversary. The day I first told Hayley I loved her. The day she first told me she loved me. That was the day before Hayley's death. That was almost a year ago.

"Josh." My moms voice came from outside my door breaking through my thoughts. "It's time for school. If you don't wake up now you won't make it on time."

"Just leave me alone." Leave me in peace with thoughts of my angel.

"But school –"

"Mom I just don't feel up to going today ok?" I replied annoyed.

She sighed. "Fine honey. Just come on out and get some breakfast."

I reluctantly dragged myself to the table. I sat in front of three plates of food my mom had set down.

My mom and dad both sat down and began eating their food. I grabbed my fork and started to chop my eggs into pieces.

"Josh this has to stop!" My mom screamed breaking the silence.

I looked up at her in complete shock. "What?"

"You've been like a zombie ever since Hayley died. I feel like you died with her."

"I don't know what you mean mom. I'm fine. Same Josh I've always been."

She shook her head, "No! We both know that's not true. You keep skipping school, I have to litterly drag you out of that room of yours, and even then you don't say a word to your father and I, and you barely eat anymore. I just feel like you've changed. It's like I don't even know you anymore."

"Hayley was my girlfriend mom. I was in love with her. I still am."

"I know, but it's been a year."

"Actually it won't be a year until Friday." I corrected her.

"Do you see what I mean?"

"Could you just get to the point?" I asked annoyed.

"I think it's about time you moved on. Hayley is dead, and she's not coming back. There's a girl who moved in down the street. I think you two would really hit it off."

"No mom. It's just too soon."

"One date. That's all I'm asking for. If you don't want to see her again after that then ok, but please just give Jenna a chance."

"One date and that's it."


	2. Chapter 2

"_I have to go now." Hayley said._

"Aww not already." A frown touched my face.

"I know. I don't wanna leave. I wanna stay here forever, wrapped in your arms." She frowned, too.

I patted the spot next to me that she had just gotten up from.

"Sorry Joshie, but my mom's gonna send out a search party for me if I don't come home soon."

"I'm sure she can wait for a few minutes...our hours." I hinted.

"As great as that sounds, and trust me that doe's sound great, I can't not tonight anyway."

I sighed. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you more. But just think, tomorrow morning I'll come over and we'll go out and celebrate our anniversary."

"We could go to the park." I suggested.

She smiled. "Yeah, enjoy Franklin's beauty."

"Can't wait. Love you Hayles."

"Love ya, too." She quickly kissed my lips before dashing from the room.

__________________________________________________

**July 7th, 2007**

That was the memory that killed me the most. It was etched in my brain permanently. That was July 16th, 2006, the very last time I saw her alive.

"Josh." A knock on my door snapped my focus back into reality. "Jenna's here."

I half jogged to the door, and nearly ripped it off it's hinges.

"Jenna!" I pulled her into a tight hug.

Once I let go, she crushed her lips to mine, but quickly pulled away completely aware that my mom was standing somewhere close.

"Come on in." I stepped aside to make room.

She walked in and sat down on the couch. I shut the door, and slowly went to sit beside her.

We stayed as far apart as possible, avoided eye contact, and glued our eyes to the TV.

"Well I think I'm going to give you two some privacy. I need to go to the market, and pick a few things up anyway. I'll be back later." My mom said.  
"Ok. Bye."

I waited for the sound of the click of the door shutting.

"So what's up?" I moved closer now that I was sure it was just us alone.

"I really need to tell you something. I don't know if it's too soon, but I just can't hold it in any longer."

"Just tell me what it is." I said impatiently.

She dropped her gaze to her hands. "I – I love you." She confessed.

My heart stopped. I wanted to be able to return those three words, but it would feel like a betrayal of the heart. My heart belonged only to one person, and it always would. Hayley is gone, that I know, but I can't seem to just move on her.

"I'm sorry Jenna, but – " I took a deep breathe and was about to continue when someone suddenly appeared standing behind Jenna. I struggled to breathe as I looked at the familiar person. "Hayley?"


	3. Chapter 3

"_I can't wait until we're finally out of this boring place." Hayley groaned as we were walking the third period – English 4 – which was our only class together the whole day._

_I gave her a rueful smile. "Hey just 4 months and then we are out of here." I offered hoping to cheer her mood a little._

"_I guess." She murmured speeding up a little. "Come on slow poke we've already missed the bell."_

"_Shit." I cursed, grabbing her hand and pulling her along faster as she just giggled._

"_You know what?" I asked Hayley as we sat side by side in the yard near our football field, our lunches consisting of Pizza, Chocolate Milk, Apple sauce, and some weird green looking things which were supposed to be veggies, I think._

"_What?" She asked smiling that what-are-you-up-to-now smile I loved so much._

"_I don't know." I said, "Just wanted to see you smile. Is something wrong today? You've seemed kind of weird."_

"_Weird?" She asked tilting her head to the side a little, as if she were confused._

"_Look, just you know that if somethings bothering you, you can tell me right? I want to know. I need to know, Hayley, because if I don't know what it is then I can't make it go away."_

_She leaned over a place a gentle kiss on my cheek. "I know, babe."_

_Hayley cleared her throat nervously. "Look, sorry for acting a little off today. It's just that something happened, something bad. I just don't know how to tell you."_

"_Hayley." I sighed impatiently. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."_

"_I just , I lo – " She was cut off by a teacher screaming something at us about getting where we needed to be, that lunch period ended._

_Hayley rolled her eyes. "Josh, I'll tell you later. It's nothing bad either so please don't worry. I'll talk to you later."_

It's been a week since the seeing Hayley thing. After that I couldn't stand the thought of liking Jenna anymore. Not one single bit. It may of sounded ridiculous, but seeing Hayley rushed back all those feelings. She would always have my love, always.

Pathetic? Very. Did I mind? A little. My mind knew that holding on to Hayley was bad, and now I was even starting to Hallucinate, too. But my heart, well my heart told me that someday, somehow I'd get another chance to be with Hayley. We'd grow old together, get married, have kids – Two Boys and a girl is what Hayley always wanted – and live out or dreams.

She would have been a great singer. That's what she was really passionate about – singing.

There were these two guys from school who even wanted her to join in their band once, but Hayley declined. She said that she didn't have much of a voice, she only sang for fun. She never really did have much faith in herself.

I loved playing my guitar, and watching Hayley softly sing along, making up the words as we'd go along.

"_That's amazing, Hayles." I grinned widely, as she reopened her eyes and quickly went to writing the lyrics she just made up before they were forgotten._

_She looked over at me with a smile. "You think so? I'm not so sure. Maybe the chorus needs some work." Her eyebrows burrow as she concentrates hard at the sheet. It's too adorable._

_I reach over and grab her hand. She looks up at me and gives me a small smile. "It's perfect. Just perfect, as always. Honestly Hayley."_

"_Thank you." She whispered softly, and sat down on my lap, resting her head on my neck._

Hayley and I stayed like that for a while. Until she finally had to go, much to my dislike.

I would've been happy if the two of us could stay like that forever in our own perfect little world.

But nothing stays perfect forever. Things change, people change.

"_Josh come on... it's time." Time. I knew what that meant._

_I didn't really want to go to my dead girlfriends funeral. It would only make the wounds harder to heal._

_But I needed to go and tell how Hayleys parents how sorry I was. Mrs Williams was probably a wreck, and Mr Williams was strong but I knew he'd be hurting badly too. They loved their daughter so much._

_Just as I did. Just as anyone did. _

_My mom had told me that it would be a closed casket funeral. Thank god. I wouldn't be able to handle seeing her angelic face. Eyes closed, and knowing I would never be able to look into her deep green eyes again. It would be too much. So, with that, I finally agreed to go._

_I rose from my bed, and followed my mom downstairs, outside, and pulled myself into the backseat._

_Zac, my little brother, took the seat right next to me and our 8 year old sister Hannah took the front seat. If it were any other time we would fight over who got to ride shotgun, we always did, but not now. We rode to the funeral in dead silence. No one mumbled a word, no one turned on the radio. We just stared out the windows at the light rain that covered the air. _

_We finally parked across the street from the funeral home and I closed my eyes to stop the tears that threatened to fall. Zac gave me a small pat on the back, and opened his door._

_Hannah started balling as soon as we walked through the doors, and she saw Hayleys photo on the small wooden table in the entryway. Mom picked her up soothing her, rocking her back and forth._

_Zac and I signed all of our names on the paper. I saw Mrs Williams sitting in one of the chairs nearest to Hayleys casket. Her face was tense, her eyes a slight pinkish color probably from all the crying she'd done. She looked broken, truly broken. I most likely resembled her as well. I was broken beyond repair._

_I didn't spot Mr Williams, so I assumed her was somewhere else talking to relatives or friends of the family._

"_Josh, you made it." Mrs Williams said, she stood up and gave me a small hug._

"_Yeah, I, uh, wanted to show my support. Losing Hayley was hard on us all." _

_Mrs Williams gave a small nod and a "Thanks." before a guy came over and they began talking._

_I went to go find my mom._

_The rest of the funeral was okay. There were lots of tears and hugs and sorrys going around the place._

_I couldn't help but notice something odd. Mrs Williams never cried once, she didn't look upset either. _

_Maybe I was nuts, but something seemed fishy about the whole funeral._

That day after I thought I saw Hayley, it freaked Jenna out quite a bit. She nearly ran from the house after saying she sad to be home for dinner or something like that. I didn't blame her, now she knew what everyone else in Franklin did, Josh Farro was an insane freak.

I hadn't known Jenna for so long, but she was my one shot to finally move on from Hayley. To break free from the dark spell of sadness. Unfortunately, she was gone now. She wouldn't want to get involved with a guy like me...Who would after all? Insanity isn't exactly attractive.

It was Friday night, a week later, and I was sitting in my room, playing my guitar, when the phone rang.

I sighed, and sat the guitar gently on the window seat, and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Josh. It's, um, Jenna. Jenna Middleton." The quiet voice on the other line said.

It shocked me. Why would she call?

"I was just wondering what you were doing tonight?" Jenna went on.

"Nothing much. I don't go out a lot." I mumbled sadly.

"Oh, well I was going to go down to that new Pizza place with a couple friends and I thought maybe you would want to come?" She asked hopingly.

"Jenna why are you calling me?"

"Because you need to get out, have fun, live a little. And your my friend, I wanna help you, okay?

I know about everything that happened with Hayley. It was tragic, but it's time to move on, Josh.

So please, please come with us." She begged.

"Okay." I sighed, though the idea didn't seem that bad.

"Great! 7:30 we'll come pick you up, kay?" I could hear her smile though the phone. It made me smile as well.

"That sounds great, Jenna. Thanks for inviting me."

"No problem, Josh. See ya later, bye."

"Bye."

I hung up, smiling to myself. It was 7 o'clock now. So just enough time to get ready.

I took a shower, dressed, and made sure I looked spotless in the mirror.

It had been so long since I actually gave a shit what I looked like, but tonight

was going to be a new beginning to me. I had hope. A horn honked outside my house a little while later, signaling it was Jenna to pick me up.

We walked into the Pizza place. It was Jenna, Jeremy, Sarah, and I. Jeremy seemed like a really cool guy. We talked in the car on the way here. I found out that Sarah was his girlfriend. How cute.

We all sat in the both. Jenna and I on one side. Jeremy and Sarah across from us.

The whole night was lots of fun. I even surprised myself at how much I was smiling and laughing.

Being like this, it didn't feel wrong now, it was natural. For the first time in over a year, being happy didn't feel wrong.

I excused myself to the restroom, and as I was coming out, not paying much attention, I bumped into someone. It was a small petite girl. I quickly stood up, and offered a hand. She took it gratefully.

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't watching where I was walking." I apologized.

"Obviously." The girl giggled. Adorable giggle. Familiar giggle. Hayleys giggle.

This couldn't be Hayley though. This girl had black hair, not red. This girl dressed nothing like what Hayley would. But she sounded just like Hayley.

The girl finally looked up and met my eyes. My heart stopped beating. Hayley was here and this time I was sure it wasn't just another Hallucination.


	4. Chapter 4

Previously;

_I excused myself to the restroon, and as I was coming out, not paying much attention, I bumped into someone. _

_It was a small, petite girl. I quicky stood up, and offered a hand. She took it gratefullly._

_"I'm so sorry. I wasn't watching where I was walking." I apologized._

_"Obviously." The girl giggled. Adorable giggle. Familiar giggle. Hayley's giggle._

_This couldn't be Hayley though. This girl had black hair, not red. This girl dressed nothing like what Hayley would. But she sounded just like Hayley._

_The girl finally looked up and met my eyes. My heart stopped beating. Hayley was here and this time I was sure it wasn't just another hallucination._

"Josh, is that you?" She whispered.

I couldn't stop the smile that naturally came to my lips whenever Hayles spoke my name,

"Yes, its me Hayley."

She smiled too, "Why do you look like you've just seen a ghost? Have you always been this pale, or have you just gotten much, much whiter in the past year?"

Hayley asked, somehow managing to sound both concerned and amused at once.

"I haven't just seen the ghost. She happens to be right in front of me, or have you forgotten that you've been dead for over a year now?" I retorted, suddenly very angry. Angry at myself. Had I really become so desperate to be with Hayley again that I'd actually gone mad, and was now having conversations with my hallucinations? What was wrong with me?

She sighed, "Josh, I know. You're probably feeling like you're in some crazy nightmare, and at any minute you'll wake up; safe in your bed, and I'll be no where to be found. But this isn't a dream. I promise to explain everything, but later. Last thing we need is to sort this all out in such a public place, and risk being overheard. They'd throw us both in the looney bin!"

"How can I be sure that this isn't another one of my dreams, and I'm not just officially nuts?" I questioned.

She chuckeled, "Well how would you like me to prove it?"

I shook my head, "I'm not sure. I just...I want this to be real this time. I'm tired and of having these dreams, and waking up to realize nothing was real."

"Do you know somewhere we can go talk in private? Or since you're probably busy we can just talk some other time..."

"NO!" I practicalled shouted, but then calmed down , "I mean, my friends will understand. Well Zac might be home, but my parents are both at work. So I guess we can just go back there to talk."

"What about Zac though? I miss him like crazy...but he'll be just as scared and shocked as you. I don't wanna bother him, too."

"Hayles, he missed you sooo much too. Just like me." I assured, "there's no way you'd ever bother him. Trust me."

"Okayy then, lets go." She agreed.

I nodded, "Just let me say goodbye to my friends real quick, before we go."

"I'll be waiting outside." Hayley said, before walking away.

After I said goodnight and goodbye, much to their dislike (especially Jenna's) , Hayley and I started walking back to my house. Since I lived only a few blocks away from the pizza shop, the walk wasn't long. After all that had just happened, I could use some fresh air to clear my head. If Zac only knew what was coming. He was about to have the shock of his lifetime.

*Switching to Hayley's POV*

Josh and I walked back to his house side by side, but everything felt off. Suddenly, things between us felt different and almost awkward. Last time we walked together, my hand was always clasped tightly in his. The crisp silence that now filled the air, was once the sound of us laughing together and talking about the randomest little things for hours. I didn't like this one bit, but Josh still didn't even know if he was dreaming or not, so I could understand how strange this would be for him. I just wished we could go back to how we used to be.

By the time we reached the Farro's house, we still hadn't spoke one word since leaving the Pete's Pizza. It was a tense silence. Josh had a intense look on his face, as if he were thinking really hard about something and I wished that just that once; I could read minds. Only his. Just long enough to figure out why he was so bothered. Maybe me coming back here to talk with him wasn't a good idea?

"Zac?" Josh called as we walked inside.

No response. A part of me wanted to be sad, that I wouldn't get to see how my lil brother grew up this past year, but another part of me was reliefed. Last thing I wanted to do was scare to people out of their wits in one night. Haha.

"He's probably over at Taylors playing Call Of Duty, as usual."

I laughed, "They've gotten closer?"

"Yeah, Zac used to hate Taylors guts until Tays mom bought him the new Black Ops game. Now it's like a second home to Zac over there. They're like best friends."

"Hahah, Zac hasn't changed one bit." I giggled, " I really miss him."

Josh must have caught the flash of sadness in my eyes that came from remembering old times with Zac, because he pulled me close in a hug. See, back before any of this happened and we were still dating, Josh would somehow always know when something made me upset or sad. His hugs were the only thing that would cheer me up, and even now; they made me feel a lot better. I hugged back, wanting to cling onto him and never let go. but I knew we still had a lot that needed to be talked about.

"Let's go to your room to talk, just in case Zac comes home." I decided, untangling myself from Josh.

He nodded, and I followed him up the main staircase, down a long hallway to a large oak door at the end. He opened it to reveal a room idetical to how I remembered it to be. Only it was a lot messier. Empty pizza boxes, clothes flung all over the floor, and cans of pop sitting everywhere.

"Sorry about the mess, " He chuckled nervously, "it's been a while since I cleaned. I've been pretty busy."

I made my way through the mess on the floor, and plopped down on his huge King size bed. I called him over by patting a spot right next to me. He smiled and joined me on the bed. I looked around his room, noticing his spiderman sheets, pictures of him and Zac, and even a few pictures of us still hanging up on his walls. One of them from Cedar Point 2 years ago. Our families went on vacation togehter, and Zac had been to chicken to ride The Phantom, one of the biggest rollercoasters in the park, with me, so Josh went on with me instead. We sat in the very front row, because I was 'no scared little chicken and could handle anything.'. Even my parents tried talking me out of going on, but still I insited we go. Needless to say, they were right and I spent the whole ride screaming, and in the picture taken at the very last drop of the ride, I have my face hiding in Josh's arm, screaming. Being the manly man he is, Josh just had a huge smile in the picture. It was such a silly picture, and I laughed at how young and different we used to look. Another picture was of us during my first Fall Homecoming for Freshman year. I didn't have a date, so I decided to take my best friend instead. Josh was more than happy to go, and agreed to even wear a pink tie for me. My dress was a bright hot pink, it had a feathered bottom, and looking back now I probably looked rediculous to a lot of people that night, but I had such a fun time that night, it didn't even matter. We danced till our feet were sour, and even slow dancing with Josh wasn't bad. We both had absolutely no idea what we were doing, and just spun in circles the whole time.

Suddenly, Josh turned towards me and snapped my attention back, "Hayley, what's going on here? Explain."

"Well," I began, "As you can tell, I'm not a ghost. You aren't hallucinating, and this isn't a dream. I never died."

"What's going on? I'm so confused." He asked, pleadingly.

"My death, the whole closed-casket funeral, all of it was a fake, a sham." I explained.

*Josh's POV*

"But why?" I begged, my mind was officially on overdrive trying to process, and couldn't hold onto all of this. It was just too much to wrap my head around all at once. The whole past year was apparently a lie, and I was still quite confused. I couldn't think of any reason why Hayley would want to fake her death, or why anyone would ever want to do something like that.

"My daddy, Josh, well he's just not a very good man at times. I love him, of course. But he's in politics, and all of those people are corrupt. Whether they get caught or not, all of them lie and get themselves in deep with the sharks to get whatever they want. Sometimes it's for more votes, or power, or even money. Point is, in his line of work, everything can be so unjustified and crooked. My dad should've known better than to get invovled with any sort of underground gang or help to get what he wanted. But my dad wasn't always so needful to power, he used to work in a factory simply making plastic caps for milk cartons. It was a normal job, with a fair amount of pay. Only we were getting tight on money, so when I was little, he quit and decided to run for mayor or some other sort of higher ranking job. He figured if he made it, he'd make enough money to help us out and a little control over the city couldn't hurt. After a few years, he became unreconizable to my mom and me. She didn't like it, but he refused to quit now. Anyways, he got invovled with a bad underground scene. A gang of sorts. He made a deal with a very powerful man named Paul White, king of crooked politics himself. My dad tried running for mayor, but never made it. With an upcoming election, he needed a new way of gaining a win in the election polls. That's what led him to Paul. They made a deal amongst themselves; in exchange for a gareented position as new mayor, all daddy had to do was pay Paul his money. Paul wanted 7 grand. and from where my dad thought he'd find all that money to pay of Mr. White, I have no idea. But still, he agreed."

Hayley stopped, probably so I could absord all of that, before contiuning, "See my dad has this flaw, he tends to act before thinking. All he thought about at the time was winning that election, but he never thought of what consequences would come if he didn't find the money in time. Dad barely scraped up a grand, so he tired bringing the deal price down. Paul wasnt having it. He wanted the 7 grand, and would accept nothing less, and it was already to late for Daddy to back out at that point. Paul and his mob started to harrass my dad, and we still were in the dark about this secret deal my own father made behind our backs. They'd call our house all day, even late at night. Dad just told us it was nothing more then bill collecters, and we believed him. It wasn't until they figured out he had a daughter, and started to harrass me; following my home from school, calling my cell phone, that my dad got really worried. Eventually it even went as far as them saying they planned to kidnap and kill me, if we didn't pay the money soon. They wouldn't kill my dad, because they knew it would pain him so much to live with being the reason for the murder of his young daughter. So one night, my parents explained everything to me and about their plan..their plan to go into federal protection. Which would give us new names, and we'd have to move far away, so that Paul would never be able to find us or hurt us. I didn't want to do it, Josh. Please take my word for that, because I loved you too much to ever willingly leave and lie to you. You have to know that...but leaving was the only way. I had to fake my own death so that everyone in this town would beieve I'd died, even Paul, and then my parents would be too upset that they'd no longer be able to stand living here, and move away. Which we all did shortly after I "died". We moved to this tiny town in Montana, and I had to change my style, hair, name, and anything else that would tip people off as to who I was. Just in case Paul tried coming after us."

By this point, Hayley looked so close to breaking down, and I couldn't blame her. Her and her mother never mentioned Hayley's dad very often. All I knew was he was always at work or not home, and I guess I just assumed he was in the military or something because politics never intrested me enough. I never knew we even had a mayor in Franklin. I wanted nothing more then to hold Hayley in my arms while she cried, and tell her it'd all be okay. But I wasn't sure if I even believed that anymore, and I wasn't sure what we even were anymore. Were were even friends anymore?

"Why didn't you tell me?" I cried, "I was so broken for months after you supposidly 'died', I still am. I turned into a zombie. I never left this room, never talked, never went out with friends. Zac, my parents, all of my friends, they all tried helping me, but I turned them all down again and again. I basically gave up on being happy, because it felt immpossible without you here. You were my happiness and without you, I didn't know what to do. I loved you so much ! A simple explanation before you left would've helped. I still would've been sad, but Hayles, its understandable why you couldn't tell anybody else the truth, but why not me?"

"Ohh Josh," She sighed, "I tried to. Remember that day at school, when we were eating outside together during lunch? But everytime I began to talk to it with you, something interrupted. God Josh , you have no idea how much I loved you too."

"Hayles, why are you back in town?" I asked, needing to know.

"I, uh, just wanted to check up on you." She admitted, blushing furiously. "So I um, convinced my parents to let me visit for a few days. Under low profile of course, and after all it's been over a year and Paul hasn't tried bothering us again. So who knows."

"Your blush is so cute." I awed, reaching out to stroke her cheek. A pretty bold move on my part, but she obviously didn't mind as she just smiled and blushed an even darker red. It wasn't that I hadn't heard the last part, and ignored it purposly. I just wanted to convince myself she was still real.

"Ohh, uh, thanks..I guess, your, I, I just...how have you guys been? How's Zac?" She stuttered, adorably.

"Oh, you know. Same as usual." I smirked.

"So does that mean he still cracks jokes at your moms cooking during dinner, and gets smacked upside the head by her?" She laughed.

"Oh yeah, he hasn't changed a bit." He laughed, too.

Downstairs we heard the front door swing open, and slam shut. There were two loud voices cheering, and screaming as they thudded up the stairs. One was definatley Zac yelling about how awesome his kill streak was or something, and the other voice had to be Taylor York. Zac opened Josh's door,

"Hey bro, you'll never believe what happened to us today, and - AHHHHHH! GHOST , GHOST OF HAYLEY! BEHIND YOU JOSH , RUUUUUUUUUUUUN! " He screamed, and then grabbed Tay as he ran from the room.


End file.
